The Battle of the Speed Bumps
No one knows why the battle of the speed bumps started. Maybe the LTC got tired of the guys from the Project Masonic Eye racing the 1/4 mile from the end of the paved road to their buildings at 30 mph. Maybe the Battalion Sergeant Major just broke out into a fit of Sergeant Majordom. She didn't seem like the type. I never heard anybody complain about her or heard any stories about her at all. In battalion meetings she would sort of slouch in her chair and had about her an air of polite boredom, but she was a Sergeant Major so you never know. We never did know why the battle started for no one ever told us a thing nor sent out a threatening e-mail. It just started and played itself out on the field of trivial glory.
The start was a sudden one. One morning we went home after a night's flight and when we returned that afternoon, there they were, three dirt speed bumps. Big, sharp edged "now I got you guys" speed bumps. More like minor field works of revenge they were. We climbed up the one side and dropped down the other, scraping the undercarriage and cursing. We had to go slow alright or we would have broken an axle but it spurred us to think.
And what we thought was, "These speed bumps are dirt. You can move dirt. If you burn rubber on dirt, you don't burn rubber, you move dirt." So that is what we did with our trucks from then on. We would put the drive wheels carefully on top of the mound and punch it. Dirt would fly and we would laugh, or at least I did. Another blow for freedom. (I had a great idea that I didn't do and wished I did. Did small holes in the bumps and put meat in the bottom of the holes then cover them back up again. The critters would have torn the bumps up going after the meat and God would have got the blame.)
Moving dirt that way worked great for a week or so until the enemy realized you can cover dirt speed bumps with concrete, which they did. Only when they did it, they didn't put any signs up saying wet concrete, so when we came in that evening we drove over the wet concrete. That made us so mad we drove over the wet concrete 1 or 2 more times, in addition to writing things in it.
This did not do the speed bumps any good, nor did the fact that they put concrete on top of dirt that wasn't compacted. The bumps started to crumble at the edges and we didn't even have to help them along.
There the matter stood for a few days while the enemy gave it some thought. They then proceeded to do it the right way, with proper dirt mounds, half the road width done at a time, signs etc. They also decided to make the speed bumps even bigger, doubtless with malign intent. But they made them so big and wide they went from being speed bumps to off road moguls, you went up a hill and down a hill rather than crashing into a wall and dropping off a ledge. It was sort of fun if you knew it was coming. None of the vehicles we drove were ours so of course there was no reason (for some) to slow down much. So I didn't.
That was where matters stood when I left. All that work and all that annoyance and the thing isn't much different than it was at the start.
Now you know how some of our time is spent inside the wire on the imperial frontier.
The start was a sudden one. One morning we went home after a night's flight and when we returned that afternoon, there they were, three dirt speed bumps. Big, sharp edged "now I got you guys" speed bumps. More like minor field works of revenge they were. We climbed up the one side and dropped down the other, scraping the undercarriage and cursing. We had to go slow alright or we would have broken an axle but it spurred us to think.
And what we thought was, "These speed bumps are dirt. You can move dirt. If you burn rubber on dirt, you don't burn rubber, you move dirt." So that is what we did with our trucks from then on. We would put the drive wheels carefully on top of the mound and punch it. Dirt would fly and we would laugh, or at least I did. Another blow for freedom. (I had a great idea that I didn't do and wished I did. Did small holes in the bumps and put meat in the bottom of the holes then cover them back up again. The critters would have torn the bumps up going after the meat and God would have got the blame.)
Moving dirt that way worked great for a week or so until the enemy realized you can cover dirt speed bumps with concrete, which they did. Only when they did it, they didn't put any signs up saying wet concrete, so when we came in that evening we drove over the wet concrete. That made us so mad we drove over the wet concrete 1 or 2 more times, in addition to writing things in it.
This did not do the speed bumps any good, nor did the fact that they put concrete on top of dirt that wasn't compacted. The bumps started to crumble at the edges and we didn't even have to help them along.
There the matter stood for a few days while the enemy gave it some thought. They then proceeded to do it the right way, with proper dirt mounds, half the road width done at a time, signs etc. They also decided to make the speed bumps even bigger, doubtless with malign intent. But they made them so big and wide they went from being speed bumps to off road moguls, you went up a hill and down a hill rather than crashing into a wall and dropping off a ledge. It was sort of fun if you knew it was coming. None of the vehicles we drove were ours so of course there was no reason (for some) to slow down much. So I didn't.
That was where matters stood when I left. All that work and all that annoyance and the thing isn't much different than it was at the start.
Now you know how some of our time is spent inside the wire on the imperial frontier.
posted by Carl at 2:51 PM
2 Comments:
During OIF-1, then General Sanchez didn't like us tearing down the road in front of his lodging, so he erected the concrete barriers that are commonly seen along side of the road in construction zones. We would stop at the beginning of the new obstacle course and see how fast we could swerve in and out of the barriers. I think I still hold the record of 34 MPH in a HUMVEE. I miss the imperial frontier. --Wes
brother i know what you mean. life on this side of the ocean is either boring or mildly annoying, without the compensation of maybe being able to do something important.
poor old Gen. Sanchez. from what i've read, there was a man who rose several grades above his level of competence.
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